There and back again....

Blog 25 - The final entry

It's been a little while since I last blogged owing to lack of internet access and a good quantity of beer. I suddenly found myself with less time to blog once I got back to the UK and started drinking heavily again; out of practice though I was, I think I'm back in the swing of things after being back for a week and a half.


So the journey's come to an end and it's back to training in London, which has become my home once more. The differences between my local Fulham and the industrial and cultural hubs in which I'd visited were considerable. My initial thoughts included:

1. Isn't the air clean in London?
2. Isn't it quiet in London?
3. Isn't the Tube a bind and the staff often unhelpful? (But then, at 25,000 p.a. for a station assistant, probably a billion times more than their Chinese counterparts, we shouldn't expect too much more, really).


It's also good to get back to normal signs which don't need re-translating, such as this one from my hotel bathroom. But what of China and the experience as a whole? I've been asked by numerous colleagues if I'd go back and did I enjoy the whole thing. The answer is a conditional 'yes' for both. China is a fascinating country, but rather a lot to get to grips with on a busy schedule. The local assistance in the form of Winnie, Piao and Michael was excellent and generally, we were treated pretty well. Periods of work lasting 15 days without a break could be worked on to make the experience a little more pleasant, though. Coupled with this, the food, as readers of earlier entries will know, was at times a little more challenging, especially at breakfast, than I'd ideally like, so a it of progress there would be good. Since arriving back, the head of food safety in China has been sentenced to death for taking bribes which allowed fatal ingredients into the market, leading to numerous deaths. Let's just hope this wasn't a 'symbolic' move, rather like the regular sacking of Home Secretaries when immigration becomes a problem.

There have also been moves to improve air quality in China. Just at the weekend, Beijing experimented with only allowing half the number of cars into the capital each day. This widely publicised event to cut-down on emissions was unsuccessful: amazingly, pollution monitors recorded no drop in pollution levels. Perhaps it's all those factories causing all the problems, then?

But let's not report unfavourably about these things, though. It has been decreed that no negative opinions should be published about the food safety problems, air pollution and the Olympic preparations. And the punishment? Try three years imprisonment, a sentence currently being served by one journalist who reported on cardboard in meat dumplings.

Anyway, let's not fear, this is a progressive land and I'm sure the ladies who are carrying those bundles (pictured above) are excited and engaged in the future and what it will hold for them and their gloriously ancient country. Even at the airports we can find signs of environmental improvement: this toilet sign clearly shows that help is at hand for those needing direction. I'd never seen this word spelt before, so that's another experience to chalk up to China.

Let's hasten back for more!

Ensure your seatbelts are securely fastened

Blog 24

So we had our final day of training in Jianshui and left after a brief lunch for Kunming, where I find myself now, just waiting to go through to the departure gate. The final shots of Jianshui include the town's delightful centrepiece - a kind of temple in a roundabout that's been made into little coffee shops, where locals can sit and look at the traffic circling round. In front, there are plenty of vendors selling all kinds of things, from shoe polishing services to sexual aids. Note that that is aids in lower case. Although I do hear there's a problem with the upper case version as well.

From the top you can also see the local pipe seller - see Blog 23 for a picture of how they might be used.

So the lovely EB provided a van and a driver to take us up to the airport, which is just a four hour drive, or three and a half if you have our maniac driver. Speed was something to be embraced this afternoon, as was lots of beeping. What wasn't to be tolerated was anything else on the road, be it larger, smaller or even a police vehicle. Simon tells me that he has experienced worse driving - that of India's. Drop us a line if you've any thoughts on this. Despite the speeds, swerves, cutting ups and our van having absolutely nothing in the way of licence plates, the journey was generally uneventful, which is actually what you want, isn't it? Our speedy carriage can be seen here. Nice.

While I might raise an eyebrow at the way in which the van was driven, we can at least be thankful that the long drive wasn't in Jianshui's main form of transport, a kind of Chinese moped tuk-tuk. This little fellow is the saviour of late folk everywhere down here and can be found nipping in and out of even the tiniest spaces. Some of the posh ones have little frilly curtains and some are decked out like a strange variety of temple - probably just as well, as you'd probably want to start praying as soon as you got in one.

Time to go and check in for the flight back to Shanghai. One blog remains of the journey, so stay tuned for the final epic installment...

A Day in the Life...

Blog 23

Some would say it's a bit late to find this out, but in an e-mail, reader Nic pointed out that no comments were addressed or some such thing. He suggested I had the option turned off. This would explain why others have talked of difficulties posting comments. I have now made it easier to post comments, but as there are only two or three days left of this blog, you might not consider it worth it, unless you happen across this site in the future and feel compelled to let me know something about it, like a typographical error, perhaps. Either way, no matter how you feel on the subject, the option is now available for you.

Anyway, back to business. The training here in Jianshui has been going very well: the course participants have been motivated and enthusiastic throughout, there hasn't been a drop off in numbers during the course and they've agreed with our timetabling, even though it has meant they've had to postpone their three hour lunch and nap break by two hours. Coupled with the fine weather (mid to high twenties), this has meant a rather enjoyable stay. The local education bureau have also been the best so far. They've laid on the odd tour after training, there have been the delightful dinner offers and they've also laid on a bus for us, to take us to and from the hotel to the training centre. Normally we have to scavenge for a taxi, which we all bundle into with copies, computers and the like, but a luxury bus ferries us about at our whim. And why the hospitality? We're told that the EB believe that happy trainers make good trainers. 'Tis true. Others would say that it's something to do with the big cheeses of the EB having been given a 'fact-finding tour' of the UK for 10 days. I couldn't / wouldn't want to say.

As previously mentioned, the town is quite relaxed and not too far from Shangri-la, giving it a remarkably un-modern-China quality. Not that there's anything wrong with modern China, just that they're a little heavy on concrete, pollution and noise in certain parts. Quite the opposite in this place. In today's first described picture, you can see engaging locals chatting about the price of pomegranates. You can only imagine the changes this chap has seen - after all, the great Chairman Mao only died in 1976 and with him thoughts of continual violent and aggressive revolution.

A further joy of rural life is the trees. Five years ago a law was passed forcing all new major roads (between cities) to have three lines of trees (different varieties) on either side of them. The upshot of this excellent piece of planning policy means that travel between cities is quite a pleasant experience, involving a great variety of flora and fauna. It would seem that in the Mao years there was quite a lot of cutting down and concreting which they're only now beginning to get over. Although this picture doesn't show roads, it does show the rather nice countryside - not all factories and pollution after all.

But what does one do when not training large groups of Chinese state school English teachers? Well, you could relax in a local eating spot and try the local water pipe. Not being one to shy away from local customs, I felt I had to have a quick go of this bamboo job. A standard cigarette will do - just pop it into the little spout at the bottom and inhale through the top. Lots of smoke gets lost / wasted as it comes out the top, but I believe that's a good thing when considering the quality of most local Chinese smokes. But then, what can you expect for only 30p a pack for the local stuff?

You could also spend the day trying some music at a local temple. You can see that I tried my hand at this too (picture up top). I'm afraid to tell you that on this occasion, my effort to make sweet music fell flat and unfortunately not on deaf ears either. Still, worth a shot.

If all this still wasn't enough, you could pop to a morning market. Those knowing me would instantly know that this is something I wouldn't do and was simply beyond me owing to the time of day, but we do have a shot passing such a market on the way to the training centre. Note the donkeys to the left of the picture and a few farmer Barlimow (sp?) straw hats towards the back. Loads of folk wear them round here.

I did pop back a little later and get some more shots. One that interested me in particular was this stall with a load of different herbs and spices all set out in their sacks with jars of pickled hot peppers stacked on shelves at the back- just the thing to enliven those boring bone and gristle dishes.

Speaking of bone and gristle, the EB weren't put off by our excuses of being too busy for dinner last night and have scheduled another for us for tomorrow lunch after the training and before we set off on another journey. Their kindness and politeness is appreciated, but they really shouldn't, you know. No, really.

In the event of a typhoon...(or loss of electricity)

Blog 22

(more pictures to come..!)

In this teaching game, it's often interesting to use your own materials when preparing classes; you might use other people's; you might use the standard coursebook. Which ever way, there's a lot of material floating round. One item of interest which drifted into view, along with some flotsam and jetsam, was a chapter from a senior school coursebook used across China - New Oxford English. Opening randomly at Unit 11, I found this interesting pre-listening task. It's an interesting idea to expose students to the language for suggestions and advice, I'll agree, but certainly not one that would've occurred to me. I really must learn to start thinking outside of the box and be more creative.

Still thinking about teaching, in a session about resources on a training course back in London, on the very day before I left for China, a trainee asked me about what teachers can expect in terms of what's available in other countries, and what can we do if we don't find them. I confidently said that unless you're doing some voluntary work in Africa or such like, you'll always have access to a photocopier and most places have resource books you can delve into to help supplement the coursebooks. At the very least, there'll aways be a chalkboard. Oh how little I knew. Coming out to China and training 'on the road' has been an education in what to expect and what resources you have to hand. It all looks swish with PowerPoint and computers and integrated systems and the like, but not all is what it seems. Few things are here, as readers of this blog will have already noted.

Upon arrival I was armed with a computer and PowerPoint and told that I would need little more. Travelling about the place means that carrying copies is unrealistic and because schools are currently on holiday, no one wants to make copies for us, especially the thousands we require. To keep costs down, copying in shops is limited. OK, quite understandable, especially when everything can be beamed onto a screen for the course participants to copy down. This all works well if the computers and data projectors work, the screen is visible and the sound for videos is properly connected. Splendid.

All-in-all, everything seemed fine, that was until Chingqing (first location) when the local computer gives up the ghost meaning reversion to chalkboard. No problem there. Turns out I can't use PowerPoint anyway because the room is too bright (sun and no curtains) for anything to be seen. Not so useful for videos either.

Bring on Wuhan: windows with curtains, my computer to work from AND a whiteboard. Oh, but where's the projector. Ah yes, the the local education bureau wants more money for it after already having been paid for it. No money, no projector. The theme of more money in Wuhan for the EB officials came up several times. Back to the whiteboard then.

Let's try Zhangqiu: big room, my computer, projector and small whiteboard. Good, good. But wait, it's so hot the projector fails. Back to the board again until another location can be found. Oh, and don't rely on the local pens, they're permanent, as the previous user of the board found out. Luckily I had some whiteboard ones.

How about rural Honghe? Big lecture theatre, and all the works as before. It's relatively cool as well. All good? Well, what you forgot about were the regular power cuts (for days at a time) in this part of the country. Back to the chalkboard once more and PowerPoint slides and videos off the menu once again.

I want to emphasise that what's written above isn't a moan, just a collection of projector experiences. This being my first session using PowerPoint for an length of time, my initial scepticism hasn't been overcome. I like using whiteboards. If they're interactive, even better. But at the end of the day, you just can't beat the basics. And the moral of the story if there is one? If you spend hours preparing on PowerPoint, ensure you have a back up to rely on just encase the prep goes for a Burton. Anyway, most of the time it HAS worked and it HAS been very useful and I really couldn't have managed without it at times. Thank you Microsoft for the software and Toshiba and Sanyo for the hardware. It's also good to be forced to think on your feet from time to time, too. Keeps your mind sharp. Now, if a trainee asks me the same question again...

With such things going on, you would think there'd be a need to relax and forget about training for a time, and what better place than Jianshui. Apart from being delightfully quiet and really quite beautiful, it's the location of some notable tourist attractions and places of interest. First off is the Confucian temple (pictured above), the second largest in China, with a wonderful pond, tranquil gardens and pleasantly smelling incense. You can see Winnie preparing to burn a 'small' incense stick in the picture.

There's also the 'swallow cave', reputedly the largest limestone cave in all of Asia. And goodness me, it really is big. Cavernous is one word I'd use to describe the massive interior: possibly 400 metres deep and up to 80 metres high in places. Lots of stalagmites and stalactites lit up in a bright Asian way for punters to marvel at and take pictures of, too. It's called the 'swallow cave' because of the nesting swallows near the entrance. This is where intrepid souls climb to bring us the nests for soup and porridge, an expensive local delicacy. Unfortunately I had to turn down this eating experience as it was on the day I was recovering from food poisoning. Damned regrettable business. However, it's these things which make us stronger and make us grasp other eating experiences with both hands to gobble and gulp down in an instant.

Speaking of such experiences, I've had to turn down another formal banquet (was the last one responsible for the poisoning?) with the EB because I'm having to re-prepare sessions for tomorrow because of the lack of electricity. How the Lord works in mysterious ways. Maybe next time, though.

For the honour of the Youth League, comrades.

Blog 21

(pictures now up for Blog 20...)

So off we go again to a new school and a new round of training. As mentioned in the previous blog, we're in the countryside area of Honghe and the town of Jianshui. As it happens, the place is a bit of a tourist centre, mainly for Chinese sorts but also the odd 'westerner'. Saw three sets last night, wandering along the alleyways of the old town. One such alley can be seen - the picture taken from the balcony of the 'old down cafe', as it says on the sign. If you're ever in the area, do stop in for the tremendous milkshakes they do for just 8 RMB (55p).

The rural quality of the area can be seen in both the his and hers headgear worn by many of the locals, as modelled here, and also in the form of vans, tractors and 'work' vehicles, which have a curious open-air belt engine system. The hat the man is wearing can sometimes be seen being used as a motorcycle helmet, although how effective the dried grass would be to protect ones head if it connected with a concrete kerb, I couldn't say. The vehicle pictured is one operated with a steering wheel but I've seen others with ropes either side of the engine, which are pulled by the driver to turn the vehicle. As for the open-air bit, this seems to be to allow fast repair of the belt-system should anything go wrong. Many are the repairs being made at the side of the road to these, and other vehicles. Lots of wheels being changed, to. And that is something quite useful about this place: if something's broken, you can get it mended. Loads of people all over the place fixing things in the most ingenious ways possible.

Let's take a personal example of mending. Unfortunately, the strap buckle on my satchel broke and some of the leather on the strap was wearing thin. Not even beginning to know where to go in London to get the thing repaired, a cobbler on the street corner (and there are almost as many cobblers on corners as corners themselves) re-stitched the strap, put a new hole and rivet where necessary and all for the princely sum of 2RMB (12 1/2 p). I was so pleased with the quality of the repair and the extra life given to my satchel, being a big spender, I gave the man a whole 3RMB instead. We were both quite chuffed.

But back to the training. In a junior school today with 175 course participants, we kicked off orientation with some PowerPoint and a few tasks, one of which can be seen under the imposing redness of the flag of the Youth League. "And what is this 'Youth League' you speak of?", I can almost hear you ask in unison. Well, it's rather like the scouts but for aspiring (bureaucratic or political) young communists. It's the after school club you can apply to join once you're 14 (in junior school). I was told that you need to be 'approved' before you can join, but that most people pass the approval process. As for the activities being similar to the scouts, I couldn't say. Maybe you get to sew a red star onto your sleeve after you've informed on ten friends, I just don't know.

Just in case any of you readers are thinking that 14 is rather late to start party indoctrination, don't worry, there's a primary school version (like the cubs) called the Young Pioneers, whose members get to wear a white shirt and red tie; for later students (18+) you can actually become a fully-fledged party member and carry a 'little red book'. I suppose the 18+ gang must be like the OTC or something, except that you have to pay a percentage of your salary to be a party member. Those I spoke to who were members (and not officials in local government) didn't seem to rate the experience highly.

All very interesting, at any rate. Although what I need to find out are the important matters, like does being in the Youth League mean you get nicer toilets; the ones in the current venue leave little to the imagination and all too much to the nose. Mind you, the open air style must be hygienic and it is better than the toilets at Blackpool railway station. If you ever happen to be there, it really is worth holding on until you get somewhere else.

They'll get you in the end

Blog 20
(rural connection speeds have necessitated a reduction in picture file size)

[said in gasping voice, with appropriately-timed coughs] "They've got me, Jim. I thought I could get through it OK, but in the final stretch, they got me..."

Yes, after four weeks of stomaching all kinds of food, both on and off the bone, I finally succumbed to food poisoning. Everyone else in the group has already suffered and so I suppose it was only a matter of time before I did. My normally robust constitution had taken a bit of a beating after doing battle with the scorpions and liquid of death and the following day was a very long one with a lot of travelling in it. All this meant I was a bit weak for a 'rural' lunch, while travelling some more on the way to Jianshui in Honghe, and another education bureau banquet. Luckily the illness only had me out of action for a night and a day; Simon was the same, as was Piao; Ellen was out for one and recovering for two. She thought it was some fish. But what was it for me? While it could have been my body simply saying, 'enough is enough' and forcing me to stop eating, let's examine the evidence.

The rural lunch, as seen, was a mixture of fish broth, vegetables and rice. Seems quite harmless. There was also some chopped up chicken (on the bone) which I didn't partake in, possibly because I'd seen his mate next to the chopping board when we arrived (pictured). Or was it the grilled tofu, free for those passing our hotel (pictured at the bottom). These all seemed fine, although it might have been the cat I stroked on the way out of the lunch venue. It did have shifty eyes, so I wouldn't put it past the mog.

Then there was the EB banquet at the hotel. This, as banquets go, was a fairly tame affair; no challenging intestines, only a little curious fish. There were, however, some mountain mushrooms stuffed with a curious meat. That might have been it. Well, we'll never know for sure.

The good news is that I'm feeling much better and the sun is shining. Time to go out and take some air with a beer. Quite a nice place, this Jianshui - only two hours from Vietnam and sharing many of the topographical characteristics of it, too. Lots of minorities in this autonomous region, as well. Why not google it and see what you can learn about it?

"Some paint-stripper with your wasp, sir?"

Blog 19

I'll certainly say one thing for China. Just when you think you've got used to something and you're psychologically preparing yourself for that something, another, often more terrible and haunting thing takes its place. And so it was last night.

Last night was the official dinner for this round of training for this particular educational bureau (EB) - there's a dinner for each area we go to. You may remember the table full of intestines and other unspeakable parts of animal from Chongqiug (around Blog 5). Well, I was expecting something similar. I was also expecting plenty of alcohol, as I'd been warned that the big EB boss man was a heavy drinker. Not such a problem, I thought - I can knock back a few beers with the best of them. So, picked up at 18:30 in a posh car and driven through town to a leafy, secluded hotel made of chalets and things with ornate stone carvings (no pictures this time, as I thought it not quite appropriate for Mr Camera).

In we go to a private hut with the usual lazy-Susan and round we get seated, Nick and I are on either side of the big boss man, Mr Jaa. He speaks no English but this is OK as translators, in the form of our beautiful Chinese assistant Judy and an EB English researcher (the ever cheerful Mr Yu), are on hand. The food arrives and it begins to look quite promising - a small plate of green veg, a little fried tofu and a kind of pancake thing. And then the giant wasps. Fried. Lots of them. OK, can deal with those. And what next? Oh yes, the fried baby scorpions (to be eaten whole). A touch more challenging. And what's next? Of course, the cicadas (large tree insects measuring two inches by half an inch) in a curious brown sauce. As my eyes drifted across the evening's fayre, my grin became fixed in an attempt not to betray my emotions. Well, at least I can wash these things down with beer, I thought. Ho, ho, ho. What a foolish thought. No beer to be had, just the local spirit - baijou (pronounced 'by' and 'Joe') at a cool 53% and tasting rather like terps, or at least how I expect terps to taste. Not to be sipped slowly, oh no. As the new foreigner in town I was told it was the "test", to see how much I could drink. I stopped counting after 20 shots and just tried to concentrate on how not to throw up if I had to force down yet another baby scorpion.

To be honest, the fried scorpions and giant wasps weren't too bad. A little crunchy, but otherwise OK. My mistake came, when attempting to make poilte conversation, when I said that it was my first time to eat scorpion. This meant that as soon as the fried chaps were done, fresher ones were ordered and it was more for the eating. The fresher ones hadn't been fried of course, just boiled enough to kill them, apparently. At about three inches long (tail included) they made an interesting snack which revisited me later that evening... The cicadas, well, there was just no need.

As guests, Nick and I had to drink / toast with each individual diner three times (two toasts from them and one from us), downing the 53% liquid of death each time. This was in addition to the standard whole table toasting. All of this meant that I had almost three times more alcohol than anyone else, except Nick, who being senior to me, had to drink even more. He also protected Judy admirably by drinking in lieu of her at times. The result of all this drinking with no carbohydrates and a little protein from the insects was, in a word, carnage. Nick, whose last memory was half way through dinner, had to be carried to his room by me and Mr Yuu; I, once in my room, spent a curious amount of time on the floor not being able to get up off it, having fallen off my chair while trying to log into my e-mail. I think we've all been there, though.

In a final note about breakfast, while trying to stop my hand from shaking, and therefore my chopsticks, so I could actually eat the rice, a large crab (body the size of a fist) scuttled across the floor of the breakfast area quite quickly, having evidently escaped from the kitchen. In a curious kind of a way, I could almost feel empathy with its need to run away and find a dark place to hide. The waiter seemed surprisingly uninterested in it. Perhaps it's a kind of pet?
Who'd have thought dinner could be such a wonder? Or breakfast for that matter?